Characters/Pairings: Includes Lightning, Rikku, Tifa, Celes, Rosa,Yuffie, Faris, and Yuna and some others; Lightning-centric
Warnings: Fourth-walling and meta. Hee.
Notes: For the FF Crossover Meme. Old fic is old that I almost forgot I wrote it!
Prompt was [Any combination of FF females, must include Lightning, discussing relationships.
"So, Lightning, which guy do YOU like?"
Bonus points if a male, or a number of males, are eavesdropping.]
Great. Just great. At that moment, Lightning would have let out a sigh, but as she stared back at numerous pairs of eyes, she would be questioned on why she let out a breath at the very exact point in time. Was it because she secretly was thinking of someone? Besides her dear little sister?
Aggravating, the lot of them. Usually she would stomp out the door, but there was a problem. There was no damn door, not an opening in sight. Then she would think she was seeing things because there were books, shelves, desks (conveniently there for her to throw at these pests), and look-- a door! However she went through that door, when they were busy mingling amongst themselves to not pay any attention to the newcomer.
“Umm, hi. Were you listening?” Lightning clamped down her lips, as to force that sigh down. No, she wasn't listening because she was busy figuring out how to get away from these weird people. Many wore...skimpy clothes. Especially the one currently speaking to her. Can her mini-skirt get any shorter? And she thought her own skirt was immodest enough; hers had thong strings revealed! And was she wearing a bikini to fight? Ridiculous, absurd, Lightning thought, but was adamant on refusing to voice that out. She can control her mouth, unlike a certain blond she knew.
“Hey!” Another voice cried out, and her eyebrows couldn't furrow any more. Her voice was just as shrill as the last one— and oh Maker, was she seriously toting around a huge throwing star? Like one of those movie roles...a ninja. That was it, a ninja wannabe. She wasn't sure if she'd rather prefer a hero wannabe or a ninja one. How about none?
“I believe what they're trying to ask is...” A woman with blond hair, white cape, and worse fashion choice of “no pants” began to say and she was interrupted by yet another shrill voice.
"So, Lightning, which guy do YOU like?" She turned her head towards the speaker, and tried with all her might not to stare her down like a piece of roadkill. Loud gasps of “WHAT?” came from all the shrill voices, and Lightning was starting to have a headache. Thankfully, some of the eyes in the room gave her sympathetic gazes. This wasn't going to end well, was it?
“Look, there's a way out of here. And I will find it. And no, I don't like anyone.” Lightning almost huffed, sounding indignant instead. If she didn't answer, like the action she took two fucking hours ago, they would have prodded her, asked her over and over the same question. Lightning, at that point would've lost her mind. And she would rather keep it, thank you very much.
“Really? That's not possible.” Bikini-girl looked at her quizzically, as if she grew another head. What is this nonsense. The woman across the room, with blue-- and green?-- eyes walked over next to her. “Sorry about that. My cousin says things without thinking.”
And yet another woman, this time with an aura of a master fighter, spoke, “But honestly? No one at all?” This one— was she sizing her up?-- before a look of disappointment etched on her face. “You look a lot like someone I know.”
“Ooh I bet I know who! It's Cloud, isn't it?” The ninja wannabe piped up. Well, here was an interesting scenario; the one with the aura was flushing. Heavily, Lightning might add.
“What, Yuffie, that's not...she does look a lot like him.” Oh, now she was appraising her. Uncomfortable, she made her uncomfortable. Lightning did not appreciate that one bit. “Could you all stop staring at me? Do you all even know where the fuck I am, and how to get out. It's better than asking stupid questions about my personal life.”
“That's the problem. We're here because of the fans.”
“The fans?” Lightning questioned the woman who was hiding in shadows. Again, she also had blond hair— just how many blondes WERE here?-- but she had the decency to wear pants. And apparently her favorite color is yellow; her pants were yellow, her vest was the same color, even her belt. Please let her be a sane one.
“Yes. The fans. They have a tendency to, what's the word, 'ship' us,” she explained, adding further, “and that is why we're here. Because our relationships are being evaluated. Men and women alike.” She ended it with a step towards Lightning.
“You still haven't said where we were.” Lightning plainly stated, angry at the fact that she ended up in some bizarre dating evaluating room. She had a mission to complete, she was still a l'cie. A sigh escaped from that woman's lips.
“We're in what's known as 'The Developer's Room'”.
The blond woman with the white cape spoke up. “It's a bit of an anomaly in my world. I have no idea how it exists in this world, or how it operates.” Now what? Lightning was convinced she stepped into the wrong portal headed for Eden and was now in this...world.
“What now then?” Lightning asked. If only there was an exit...
“Answer the question. You know, a guy from your world that you like.” Bikini-girl said, “It gets you closer to your world.” Why did it have to be that question in the first place? Exasperated, Lightning repeated, “I said there's no one. Never had been, never will.”
“But you're the main character! You have to have one!”
“Yea, every main character has one. See my cousin over there? Huge crush on a certain sports ace. Still searching for him.” A look over her shoulder and her cousin (“Rikku!” She exclaimed) was finding the floor tiles extremely interesting. “And Rosa,” nodding over to the woman with the white cape, “She's married to Cecil. See, you gotta be interested in some guy, it's the rules.”
“I'm not playing around. There are no 'rules' for me to follow. Tch, I don't believe this.” Lightning gritted her teeth. How hard is it for them to believe her? She wasn't interested in Sazh; the thought of Hope made her extremely uncomfortable she was even considering him, and Snow...just no. A big fat resounding no.
“Mebbe it doesn't hafta be a man, ya?” A pirate was speaking. A pirate was suggesting that she, Lightning Farron, was interested in—no. But before she can defend herself, the bikini-girl and this Yuffie character both interrupted her. “OH MY GOSH! SHE LIKES GIRLS!”
“It totally makes sense--”
“Why didn't I think of it before?!”
Twitching all over, her fingers itched over the holster that stored her Blazefire. Oh how she wished she can decimate them, but she had a feeling that she wasn't the only one who excelled in the military. Especially the woman who wore yellow and the other woman who had a crush on this Cloud character. Sometimes she cursed her ability to retain useless pieces of information.
“No way. Sis likes girls?” Snow gaped as they can overhear what the girls were saying in the next room. Thankfully all the shrill voices coming from the other side of the wall drowned any indication that there were guys present. Not that it was hard to do, since most of the guys preferred their own thoughts to themselves. Except for this weird dude with a tail, and his accomplice, a lanky boy with brown hair who kept talking about chocobos.
Then there were the opposite of the duo, both men (one blond, the other with brown hair as well) leaning against a chunk of wall, staring at the floor as if war of the dust mites were occurring between their boots. The spiky blond cleared his throat as “It's Cloud, isn't it?” was clearly heard in the room. Guess he was Cloud. The other one looked to have the same weapon Sis carried with her.
“I didn't think she was the type to go after girls,” the man-boy with the tail quipped, arms crossed in amusement. Sure it was funny, if Lightning never found out he was thinking that exact same thing. “Yea, “ the lanky boy next to him piped up, “I'd figure she would go for you,” pointing to Snow as he finished.
“No man. I'm happily engaged to her sister, and I don't want to die.” Snow said with his hands up, as if caught with the cookie jar.
“But you're engaged to her sister. She doesn't seem like the type to approve.” A husky voice sounded across the room. The owner of said voice, an older man, took a jug strapped to his waist and started to drink whatever was in there. Strange man, he looked as if he was wearing this huge red robe.
“That's Sis for you.”
“No. Stop talking right now.” But her demand fell on deaf ears.
“Wait, what if she has the hots for those women in the party?”
“Ohmaigawd, they can have a threesome going on-- ”
“Ok girls, that's very rude to Lightning.” The woman who made her uncomfortable was actually not making her uncomfortable. It was just awkward, and Lightning shot her a small smile for the effort.
She smiled back.